She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
