Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
