drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
