just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
