'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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