a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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