Barsexuality is the new black.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
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Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.