so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
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EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?