So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time