Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
