you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.