Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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