so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
