thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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