I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
