u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
