Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
