just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
