And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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