Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
