dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
