I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
