at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
