my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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