I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
