Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
