just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
