How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The best revenge is premature balding
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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