from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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