he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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