you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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