Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
