Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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