I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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