11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
