I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
