I'm jealous of your bromance
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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