I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
