yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
