Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
