I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
