Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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