you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
