onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
