I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
