Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
BRING THE BAGELS
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
