i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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