Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
