Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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