You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
