there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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