I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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