Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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