So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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