Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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