You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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