her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
