My sheets look like a crime scene.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
