Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
