we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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