you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
