I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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