I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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