and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
