are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
