Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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