Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
