I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
