soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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