come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
