Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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